Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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