dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
