i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
