He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
