Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
