Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
