Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
