I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
