it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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