were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize