Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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