i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
