Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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