may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
