He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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