My first STD was from a foam party
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
