Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize