well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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