actually, I'm a sock model
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
