There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
