just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
