how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
