but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
