doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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