Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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