textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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