I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
