I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
high people should be assigned attendants
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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