I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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