ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
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