I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
