margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
