I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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