I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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