i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
