Dignity is for republicans.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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