hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
