how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
