dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
