eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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