Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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