i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
