So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize