so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize