The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
