I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
