This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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