You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
