all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
