she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
