You're my little dorito
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
