His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
