I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize