Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
