Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
