I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
