I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
