screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
