butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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