Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
