i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
