So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You should frame my arrest warrant.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
