So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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