i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She's the barista slut.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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