so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize