Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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