maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
ttyl tear gas
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
