Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
