I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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