I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
