god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
