Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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