go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
