You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
