i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
