I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
