does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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