Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
