Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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