Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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