i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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