What did we do last night that was yellow?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
