how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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