thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
