Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
