I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
