i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
