did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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