There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
