I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize