no you cant smoke seaweed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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