sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
