I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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