he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im just a social blackout drinker.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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