Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
