Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
