I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
