I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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