You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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