I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize