I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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