I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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