Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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