I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
