Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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