Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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