i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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