Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
