When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
